My name is Pauline, I am forty three years old and I am from Dungannon. I was a very nervous child and was bullied at school, which led into fights. I began to rebel, firstly against my family and then society. When I was thirteen years old my brother Jason died of heart problems. He was six years old. This ripped my family to pieces. I became very angry and blamed God for everything. As I got older my problems increased and at seventeen, I attempted to take my own life. I resorted to alcohol to give me confidence until I became dependent on it to get me through life.
I moved to Luxembourg for a fresh start, where I worked for two years and enjoyed the change. But then my life was changed, I was raped. I began to hate myself and became suicidal, so I returned home. Once home, I fell into a relationship and became pregnant. After my son was born, I suffered from post-natal depression and felt very suicidal. I moved away from home and tried again to start afresh.
Due to my rape, it was very hard to hold down relationships, but I did meet someone else and had two more children. Life was happy or so I thought until my two daughters both began encountering health problems. This led me to turning to alcohol and the breakdown of my relationship.
Trying to raise my three children by myself took its toll on me and I had a nervous breakdown. I discovered my children had been taken into care. This hurt me and led me to drink even heavier. I then fell pregnant again, only for the child to be taken of me as son as he was born. I went to social services offices and threatened the social workers, which resulted in me going to jail for five months. I isolated myself and at the end of my tether, I called out to God and he heard my cry. I met a Christian who told me Jesus loved me and I listened. Teen Challenge Belfast came to visit me in jail, explained to me there was freedom in Jesus Christ and offered me a place in their rehabilitation programme in south Wales, which I accepted.
I went to Hope House, gave my heart to the Lord and went through the programme. It has changed my life. I now have a relationship with Jesus and I am free of alcohol and depression. I now have a future and a hope; trusting the Lord, watching him restore my family and use me to share his good news for his glory and honour.